OJ Says Return To Deathsport Was To See "If I Still Have That Fucking Dog In Me"

LOS DEMONIOS, NV — Kicking off his tenth and final season under STARCAR’s Fast-Track to Freedom™ program, OJ Simpson told reporters he didn’t return for redemption, sentence reduction, or closure — but to find out whether “I still have that fucking dog in me.”

Simpson, who has shaved 49 years off his 50-year sentence through racing and 23 official eliminations, needs only one clean season — or 12 more casualties — to walk free at the end of 2025. But according to him, freedom wasn’t the main motivator.

“I’ve been doing this a long time,” Simpson said, leaning against his #32 Run Free Ford while pit crews cautiously stood behind blast shields. “I just wanna know if the Juice still juices. If the dog still bites.”

League officials quickly embraced the chaos, calling the quote “raw athletic spirit,” while also filing a trademark request for the phrase within 90 seconds.

Drivers, meanwhile, were less enthusiastic.

“Yeah, if he’s got a dog in him, I hope it stays in the car,” said rookie Buddy “Mother F*cking” Lightning, who added an extra steel grate to his windshield after hearing the comment.

Moments after the press conference, Simpson accidentally clipped a reporter’s kneecap while parking — granting him one additional month off his sentence.

Whether the dog is still in him remains unknown. But STARCAR officials confirmed the reporter “definitely brought out some growling.”